Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Story of My Experiments with Sex, Lies and Video Tapes!

This is a 4 Part Series where I talk about my life.
Part I: Executive Summary
Part II: How I Sleepwalked through School
Part III: How I Screwed my College Education
Part IV: My Life as as consequence of my MBA
Part : Executive Summary
I began going to school in the summer of 69! Well not really, it was more like the summer of 1984. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times - I scored a perfect "100" in Mathematics in my first term exam and an equally perfect "0" in English reading and recitation. Who said I had a way with words - more like I had a way with figures! Never mind, since that first term exam, my tryst with figures was on its way down the curve and my tongue was put to the job! I started scoring in the steady thirties in Mathethatics by the time I hit 5th Standard.
I sleepwalked through most of school before I realised that enough was enough - I did not have it in me to become a doctor, my maths score was dismal and Indian Writing in English was still not fashionable.
That's when I rekindled my fascination with Figures - of all varieties - if you know what I mean.
My ICSE scores were quite telling, a cool 86% in Mathematics - my guess is they cut 14 marks for jumping steps- this was before MCQs were part of 10th Exams and you were actually expected to follow sequential method of problem solving - no quickies, ensure enough foreplay!
My English score, much to the dismay of my English teachers who were secretly seeing the new Salman Rushdie in me, was a dismal 72%.
Well, I promptly opted for PCM, went on to crack NDA exam after NDA exam, despite the armed forces consistent failure in digging out a single Officer Like Quality in me!
Around this time I realised that there was a significant shift in my thinking - suddenly the only figures I was concentrating on were those between the pages of Playboy and heavenly bodies no more meant asteroids! To hell with Physics and Mathematics, it was all pure chemistry!
I went on to take Physics as my major subject in graduation. God only knows why - by this time I had absolutely lost all interests in deriving special theory of relativity a 100 yrs after Einstein did it! Most of my Physics Professors had not a single research paper to their credit, nor had they sired a single legitimate child - equivalent of a Boson - but they toiled on - fueling IIT dreams - mostly empty, of an entire generation.
I went on to do my MBA, topped my batch - accidentally, most likely - at least thats what half of my batchmates would have you believe! Then started my 7 year tryst with the two key discoveries of the last decade (1) The Seagull Effect and (2) The Carpenter Phenomenon! More about that later
To be continued...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


In a novel effort to make condoms and condom use more socially acceptable in India, the BBC World Service Trust has created the Condom ring tone. The effort has also been funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Downloading and using this ring tone would kill the inhibitions and taboos that can be associated with condoms. In the process if your parents disown you, or you get sacked or your girlfriend / boyfriend understands your real intentions...its your problem my friend.

Download the condom ring tone here.

Now, the only Social Service I do is social commentary through my Blog. I thought that I need to contribute more than that and started looking for subjects where I can make a difference and came up with this one.

To tell the truth, as sex is on my mind most of the times and everyone is promoting Safe Sex (Not Sex per se) through Condom ads (and other suggestive ads most of which should be Axed), I thought why not support this cause. I mean, truthfully, Life begins with Sex and could end with unprotected sex.

Here are the Top 30 Brands and their Punch lines which I think will go a LONG (pun intended) way in promoting safe sex:

1. BIG B Condoms…For the “Asli Mard”
2. BIG B Condoms…Ye Diwaar Tutati Kyun Nahin!
3. Dev A Condoms… “De Ab Anand”
4. Dev A Condoms…Shake It Up!
5. Dev A Condoms…Chalta hi Jai!
6. Mithun Condoms…“Kasam Paida Karne Wale ki”
7. SRK K…K…K…Kondom. Yes...Yes...Yes...Boss!
8. SRK Condoms…For the Night Riders!
9. Kaka Condoms...for those who hate tears re!
10. Govinda Condoms…Really colorful!
11. Akshay Condoms…Unbutton without consequences!
12. Dilip Condoms…Na Munna…Na!
13. Jeetu Condoms…For the Himmatwala!
14. Sanjeev Condoms…No Hands. No Problem!
15. Shashi Condoms… Ma…Who?
16. Sanjay Condoms…Sheath Your Weapon!
17. Sunil Condoms…Let India be the only Mother!
18. Dharam Condoms…For the Hot Ones!
19. Manoj Condoms…Ye Desh hai Veer Jawano Ka!
20. Rishi Condoms…Ek hasina thi…Ek Diwana Tha!
21. Safe Condoms…Khulke Kare Na!
22. Aamir Condoms…No more Taare Zamin Par!
23. Guru Condoms…For the Pyaasa in you!
24. Shilpa Condoms…Be Warned!
25. Priyanka Condoms… Don Ko Pakadna Ab Mumkin Hai! Catch him on his way out!
26. Ranvir Condoms…Bachna Ae Haseeno!
27. Rajni Sir Condoms…Make the impossible happen!
28. Farhan Condoms…Rock on!
29. Deepika Condoms…No more shaanti…make some noise!

And…the big one…pun unintentional

30. Lilliput Condoms…Love has no limits!