Tuesday, March 31, 2009

ABCD: A Life in the Day of a Human Person

A day begins like any other,
Begins on a promise and a song
Could not have been any better
Does not need to go wrong.

Effortlessly it starts to roll across
Fun way to get the job done
Greatness begets greatness, it does
Hope you notice before the day is gone.

In a flash it passes by
Just when you start to enjoy it
Kind Sun moves through the sky
Laughing like an activist.

Moonlight rests on its haunches
Night spreads its slow cheer,
One, two, three, come out in bunches
Pub-ward bound for a Pint of Beer.

Quiet descends as spirits soar
Restless hearts, trancelike state
Some are happy, some are sore
Twice the singles, half with date.

Unless you live the day
Very little chance you stand
Whether a prince or on daily pay
Xenomorphic day, try and understand.

Your day is not over, no Sir
Zariba day, Zariba enclosure.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

O Sexy Sexy Mama - A Futile Debate

This is not really a Traffic Signal Tale except that it happened while I was waiting for the signal to turn green at the traffic signal and heard the following song on radio O Sexy mama let us do the Sa Re Ga Ma, O! Sexy, Sexy Mama It’s quite a fun song actually and you do feel like Head-banging to the tune.Now, my daughter (who is two years old) is really good with songs. She can already sing but Pappu can’t dance Saba – thank God for small mercies – and was picking up this one quite nicely before the Censor board intervened and said that while the song can continue as it is in theatres and Radio, the word Sexy has to be replaced by the word Crazy for TV. There goes my chance to, through the nice offices of my daughter, proclaim that my wife is Sexy, now, if I am to believe my daughter, My wife is quite crazy. ओ मेरी पागल माँ, according to the censors is a better way to address your mom rather than ओ मेरी सेक्सी माँ!
Incidentally this is a Baba Sehgal Song, the same Baba Sehgal who sang रुकमनी, रुकमनी, शादी के बाद क्या क्या हुआ to the tunes of A. R. Rehman and got away with singing words like खटिया भी धीरे धीरे खट खट करने लगी, आगे पीछे हुआ तो छट पट होने लगी …In the early 90s, I had to run the distant between the commode and the living room in less than 3 seconds at the same time buttoning my shorts when this song, on a cassette borrowed from a friend first played on the record player at my home, my father had a nice laugh at my discomfort, of course. Both of us realized soon enough that I knew exactly why Khatiyas do खट खट!
Twenty years hence another generation of Indian’s is now growing up being fed cheap horror shows, cheap advertisements, loads of violence, cheap cartoons, grow up thinking it ultra cool to drink Cola from morning to evening, watch unaesthetic condom ads, think its all right for Mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws to plot revenge through most of their living lives, for fathers and mothers to have multiple partners, and still believe that it’s wrong to have a mom who can be considered sexy! I think that’s unfair. Cultures were not meant to be static. They are by nature of definition supposed to be transient. So while I believe my mother will take offense if I called her anything but “माँ”, I am sure my daughter, if the censors allow her, can get away by calling her mom “ओ मेरी सेक्सी माँ.” I am equally sure, that she will get a proper spanking if she calls her “ओ मेरी पागल माँ.”I remember my Childhood days, Raj Kapoor and Nargis were not my favorite actors, hence I never realized that प्यार हुआ इकरार हुआ फिर भी प्यार से क्यूँ डरता है दिल could possibly have any other next line but डीलक्स निरोध सबसे ज्यादा बिकने वाला कंडोम! And believe me; I have my own pervert habits, but it in no way made a worse man out of me than I would have otherwise been, if I did not know the word condom as a child!As far as film songs go, I have my own reservations about what some of them dish out in the name of lyrics – and I do not see a chronological sequence of degeneration, they were good or bad across the entire length of Indian Cinema – nevertheless, I think most kids know चोली के पीछे क्या है, they after all spent most of their first six months trying to figure that one out!I am trying to figure out whether it’s a sexy debate or a crazy debate! A futile debate, anyone?
O! Futile Futile Mama.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

10 Reasons why Matrimonial Sites Don't Work

I was browsing through a matrimonial site and came across these hilarious profiles. No. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of marrying any of these men! Its just that I was actually scouting for masala for my Blog.
1. 35 Year old Divorcee father of two is looking for a 26 year old virgin girl.
Experience should carry youth along if this country is to develop!
2. A Charcoal Black guy (Michael Jackson wasn't fair to begin with people!) is looking for very fair, milky white girl.
You want dalmatians as offsprings.
3. A well settled software engineer is looking for a beautiful, homely, working (well settled, software? does not seem to matter) girl.
An unsettled cook-cum-maid will bring more spice to life.
4. A short and plump highly successful professional is looking for a slim and health conscious girl.
You the Brand Manager for Kelloggs K Challenge?
5. A Milky White, spiritual, ambivert (Where's the fucking dictionary guys?) from a close knit family is looking for a tall, working, fashion consciuos very fair girl.
You looking for a MTV VJ? Sheetal Malhar matches your partner profile to 6Sigma levels but does not qualify.
6. A very handsome (His parents did a Gallup Poll it seems) family oriented guy is looking for a sasural oriented girl.
Too many families spoil the equation.
7. A Guy who has visisted Europe and USA several times and whose parents are well settled in Mumbai and whose ancestral roots are in Mugalsarai is looking for a homely girl.
The girl should not have ventured beyond champaran.
8. A 38 year old straight forward guy is looking for a girl with substance and youthfulness.
Looking for an underage drug addict dude?
9. Someone is looking for a tall, fair, jovial, homely, accomodative, traditional and custom oriented working girl who can also cook, iron, and darn.
You obviously wants to have multiple partners. Naughty you!
10. A personal with wit, charm, energy, 6 figure salary and six pack abs, is looking for just about any girl from any background.
He is obviuosly gay and is doing this just to get his parents to shut up.