Sunday, March 15, 2009

10 Reasons why Matrimonial Sites Don't Work

I was browsing through a matrimonial site and came across these hilarious profiles. No. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of marrying any of these men! Its just that I was actually scouting for masala for my Blog.
1. 35 Year old Divorcee father of two is looking for a 26 year old virgin girl.
Experience should carry youth along if this country is to develop!
2. A Charcoal Black guy (Michael Jackson wasn't fair to begin with people!) is looking for very fair, milky white girl.
You want dalmatians as offsprings.
3. A well settled software engineer is looking for a beautiful, homely, working (well settled, software? does not seem to matter) girl.
An unsettled cook-cum-maid will bring more spice to life.
4. A short and plump highly successful professional is looking for a slim and health conscious girl.
You the Brand Manager for Kelloggs K Challenge?
5. A Milky White, spiritual, ambivert (Where's the fucking dictionary guys?) from a close knit family is looking for a tall, working, fashion consciuos very fair girl.
You looking for a MTV VJ? Sheetal Malhar matches your partner profile to 6Sigma levels but does not qualify.
6. A very handsome (His parents did a Gallup Poll it seems) family oriented guy is looking for a sasural oriented girl.
Too many families spoil the equation.
7. A Guy who has visisted Europe and USA several times and whose parents are well settled in Mumbai and whose ancestral roots are in Mugalsarai is looking for a homely girl.
The girl should not have ventured beyond champaran.
8. A 38 year old straight forward guy is looking for a girl with substance and youthfulness.
Looking for an underage drug addict dude?
9. Someone is looking for a tall, fair, jovial, homely, accomodative, traditional and custom oriented working girl who can also cook, iron, and darn.
You obviously wants to have multiple partners. Naughty you!
10. A personal with wit, charm, energy, 6 figure salary and six pack abs, is looking for just about any girl from any background.
He is obviuosly gay and is doing this just to get his parents to shut up.

20 comments:

avdi said...

Hilarious, 8 9 and 10 really take the cake.

Mansi said...

It's simply awesome!!!

Prabhash said...

Thank you Avdi, Mansi, for your comments. Keep on reading...

Prachi Bansal said...

lmao..
i have written sth really similar to ur post in my blog..

The Pink Orchid said...

it was oh so funny...and what's more funny is all this is for real.. ha ha ha..

mukhwinder kaur said...

very nicely commented on the issue. I have chosen the similar topic for my masters thesis work but instead of online matrimonial adds I have selected the print media and the results are even more shocking. while reading the adds in newspaper i came across one very stupid add which included such content " 55 years NRI boy, innocently divorced within 3 months,having good business in Canada, seeks extremely beautiful unmarried girl between 23-26years"

Anonymous said...

Fucking Font bitch

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Expressjodi said...

Fertility Rituals

Marriage is one of the biggest fertility rituals Known in Indian culture. When two people get married. they are said to enter grihasta ashram where they are expected to bear children. satify their sexual urge, earn money and follow religious practices. Hindu marriages profess the idea of coming together of the energies and paving way to a new creation.

Offering of Grains

Throughout India, one thing that remains common to all communities is offring of grains in wedding ceremony. Mostly rice, puffed rice or whole grains, these grains are fed to the sacred fire in different ceremonies.

Importance of Shiva's Bael leaves

Holy Bael leaves are proffered in several ceremonies before the wedding and after it. In many communities in india, before the wedding day arrives, Bael leaves are placed in earthen pots which are topped with different kinds of cereals. After the wedding, the sprouted seedlings are then released in a flowing river or a pool. This ritual is performed to invoke blessings of Lord Shiva upon the married couple and pray for their progeny.

Vishnu's pious Lotus

As per mythology, at the time of creation of the universe, while lord Vishnu was pondering over the creation of mankind, a pious lotus rose out of his navel. On that lotus was seated Lord Brahma who paved way to the creation and illumination of the universe. Thus, lotus remains symbolic of procreation, birth and fertility. It is Therefore, offered during wedding puja to the gods to confer potency upon the couple. Also, At the time of a Hindu wedding, the bride and the groom are given the stature of Goddess Lakshmi and Lord Vishnu because they represent the eternal companionship and exemplify how a relationship between husband and wife should be.

Nose ring

Usually seen as a piece of accessory, almost all brides sport nose ring on their wedding day. In some communities, girls are told to get their nose pierced before they tie the knot.

Sacred coconut rituals

Across India, since time immemorial coconut has enjoyed its association with human fertility in a sacrosanct manner. In Gujarat, there is a ritual of bride presenting a coconut in a customary way to the groom at the time of the marriage. Here coconut is symbolic of the progency of the couple that the bridegifts the groom. Of all the fruits, coconut is most closely related to human skull because of the three marking on its base that resemble human facial features.

The mantras of virility

During saat pheras in a Hindu marriage, there are several mantras that are chanted for progency of the couple. While the first phera is for a long lasting companionship, in the second Phera, "Kutumburn rakshayishyammi sa aravindharam", the bride promises the groom that she will fill his with love and will bear children of him.

The History

There was a time when potency was considered as the be all and all of all activities. The earliest ritual of fertility among Hindus can be dated back to the Harappan civilization where it has been discovered that people worshipped clay figurines of a mother goddess who represented fertility. Several phallic symbols representing gods in sitting position wearing bull's horns (Bull being a universal symbol of male potency) have also been found at the sites of indus Valley Civilization. As the world evolved and ancient civilizations paved way to the modern societies, marriage started being considered as a mandatory ceremony before women could conceive. Also, the idea of marriage was propelled by the thought of having the family legacy move ahead; so that families could get heirs.

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